19/52 – Happy birthday to our smart, handsome, funny, athlete, big brother and first born. I can’t believe 12 years have passed since you made me a mama for the first time. I’m so proud of everything you are and do. Can’t wait to see what the next 12 years brings for you. Love you more!
18/52 – Opening spring weekend on Chandos Lake. Too cold for swimming and the water level is too high to put the boat in (an oxymoron if I ever thought of one!). The new hammocks have been played in for hours but now hang still. The fish aren’t biting. Not much to do but play Sequence to pass the time until nana and grampa come!
16/52 – Saturday, May 6. After a long 6 weeks of working all.the.time it was time to chill and do a lot of nothing. While I feel like I barely saw any of them the last month, it was this one that seemed to change these past weeks. Suddenly my first born is out on his own with his friends, calling every couple of hours to check in but otherwise gone all day long. I remember the first time he left my sight with someone not a family member – it was under the able and careful watch of our first nanny and as they turned the alley corner behind our house, my heart went into my throats a bit. It’s a little the same to see him leave, alone, exercising his newfound independent and freedom. Always my baby. But now an almost 12 year old one with all gangly limbs and barely time to stay in one spot long enough for a picture with mom. I’d like a nice one. I have the shot planned in my mind’s eye. But I’m realizing that hanging with mom and waiting for pictures is no longer a desired priority for him; it may be a while before I am able to execute it. So I’m committed to snapping the ones of us I can in the meantime. The perfect shot will come. But he’s growing too quickly to put off all others until it happens.
15/52 – Oh, April. You’ve been a long month. I keep hearing about how the weather is turning around, how the magnolia and cherry blossoms are out and how you wore shorts to school two days this week. I’ve seen none of it. I’m preparing for hearings for the past three weeks, leaving before you arise and getting home after you’ve been in bed. The month has truly passed me by. I’m tired inside and out and my mantra, said over and over again in my head, is “after May 6th it will lighten up”.
To the three of you, I’ve made all sorts of promises about fun things we will do “after May 6th”. School runs, lazy weekend days, being home for dinner. May 6th can’t come quickly enough.
Tonight, when I got home and sneaked into your room thinking I’d give sleeping you a bedtime “kiss and tuck”, you were sitting up in bed waiting for me. You asked if we could have a dance party “after May 6th”.
“For sure we can, doll. But why not now too?”
And so, hours after your bedtime, and before I had changed or eaten dinner, we danced.